Embrace the Mess: Creativity, Clowning & Finding the Gold in Your First Draft

Through the Creative Door with Hew Parham

What happens when we stop trying to make everything perfect and give ourselves permission to make a mess?

When I sat down with performer, writer and clown Hew, we explored the wonderfully unpredictable nature of creativity, from developing theatre shows over many years to filling sheets of butcher's paper with wild ideas, collecting random CDs for inspiration and learning to embrace the uncomfortable moments when nothing seems to be working.

Our conversation was a reminder that creativity isn't always about knowing where you're going.

Sometimes it's about trusting the process, following a strange idea and being willing to fail along the way.

Sometimes you have to hold on to the story you want to tell

One of the things Hew spoke about was his determination to tell the story of Gino Bartali, the Italian cyclist who won the Tour de France in 1938 and 1948.

During World War II, Bartali used secret training rides to transport documents that helped save Jewish people in Italy. He kept his actions largely secret, only sharing the story towards the end of his life.

Hew felt a deep connection to this story and was determined to explore Bartali's character and the extraordinary courage behind his actions.

But bringing the idea to life wasn't straightforward.

As he worked with collaborators, the show sometimes moved in directions that felt far removed from the story he wanted to tell. Hew had to learn when to welcome other perspectives and when to stand firm in his own creative vision.

Eventually, the story became a significant part of the production. Audiences who encountered it were inspired to find out more about Bartali themselves.

For Hew, that was a powerful form of validation.

It also reinforced an important creative question: When do we let go, and when do we hold on to the thing we know we need to create?

Sometimes a creative project needs flexibility. At other times, it requires us to trust our instincts, even when others don't immediately understand what we're trying to do.

When perfectionism gets in the way

Hew openly acknowledged that perfectionism is one of his biggest creative challenges.

He described working on another show, A Not So Trivial Pursuit, which began with an ambitious concept involving six different scenes inspired by the categories of the board game Trivial Pursuit, each developed with a different clown director from around the world.

The logistics quickly became complicated. Scheduling difficulties, pandemic restrictions and school closures made collaboration increasingly challenging. Hew was also dealing with personal difficulties and wasn't feeling particularly good about himself.

Eventually, something shifted.

Instead of simply questioning whether individual ideas worked, he began questioning everything. He described a feeling of defeat that was unfamiliar to him, as though he was giving up on his ideas before they had a chance to develop.

What helped him move forward was returning to the work itself.

With encouragement from his teacher in Canada, he was challenged to make something—anything—without worrying about whether it was good.

One character, the "rules Nazi", caught his attention. Rather than trying to solve the entire show, Hew began exploring that character and following the possibilities.

Little by little, he found his way back into the process.

It was a reminder that we don't always need to see the whole picture before we begin. Sometimes we just need one small piece to hold on to.

Focus on the process, not the product

One of Hew's most valuable insights was that projects often stall when he becomes too focused on the finished product.

When we're thinking about how a show should look, whether a piece of writing is good enough or how an audience might respond, the pressure can become overwhelming.

His solution is to return to the process.

What do I want to discover about myself through this project?

What skill do I want to develop?

Could I use this opportunity to improve my writing, dialogue, physicality or voice?

These questions shift the focus away from the expectation of producing something brilliant and towards the opportunity to learn.

As we discussed during the conversation, trusting the process can feel particularly difficult when you're unfamiliar with it. Self-doubt and resistance can make it tempting to abandon an idea altogether.

But creativity doesn't require us to feel confident every step of the way.

It requires us to keep exploring, even when we're uncomfortable.

The creative tools that help Hew find his way

Hew has developed a collection of practical techniques to help him generate ideas, particularly when he feels stuck.

Some are simple, while others are wonderfully unconventional.

Morning pages and putting pen to paper

Hew is a self-confessed pen enthusiast and regularly journals by hand. He's also a fan of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, particularly its practice of writing three pages of freehand thoughts each morning, commonly known as Morning Pages.

There's something about the physical act of writing that helps ideas emerge.

He also uses voice recordings to develop dialogue. Speaking ideas aloud can produce more natural phrasing and conversational rhythms, which he can later transcribe and refine.

Clustering: letting unexpected ideas connect

One of Hew's favourite writing techniques involves a large sheet of butcher's paper and a handful of Sharpies.

He begins by writing a central idea in a circle, then adds words, sentences and images around it, connecting them into a growing web of associations.

Once the page is full, he randomly selects different bubbles and uses them to assemble lines of writing.

The results can be surprising. Ideas that initially seem unrelated can suddenly connect in ways that make sense, revealing a character, a poem or even the beginnings of a show.

For Hew, this process helps interrupt overly logical thinking and allows unexpected ideas to surface.

It's a useful reminder that creativity doesn't always need to follow a straight line. Sometimes randomness can take us somewhere our conscious mind wouldn't have thought to go.

Let music lead the way

Music is another major part of Hew's creative practice.

He often works with ambient music, but he also deliberately exposes himself to unfamiliar sounds and styles.

At one point, he would visit the library, select six random CDs and listen to them over a couple of weeks. Rather than relying entirely on familiar favourites or algorithm-driven recommendations, he gave himself the opportunity to discover something unexpected.

He also experimented with listening to different radio stations and improvising gibberish along with foreign-language broadcasts. This helped him develop the Italian-inspired gibberish he used for his character Giovanni, an Italian waiter.

These experiments demonstrate how inspiration can come from simply paying attention to the world around us and allowing ourselves to play.

Feed your artist

Creativity requires more than sitting down and doing the work. It also needs nourishment.

Hew spoke about the importance of surrounding himself with trusted collaborators and peers, seeking feedback from people who understand his work, and taking care of his mental health through therapy and other self-care practices.

He also returns to books that have supported him during difficult periods, including Pema Chödrön's When Things Fall Apart.

Another influence is the encouragement in The Artist's Way to take yourself on "artist dates"—intentional experiences that nurture your creative self.

For Hew, this has included buying a collection of films by French filmmaker and comedian Jacques Tati. Watching the films and listening to directors analyse the comedy, gestures and filmmaking techniques helped him recognise something important.

This was his craft.

It reminded him of the skills he was developing and the creative world he belonged to.

Whether it's watching an artist you admire, exploring an unfamiliar genre, visiting a gallery or simply allowing yourself to enjoy something without needing it to be productive, feeding your creativity is an important part of sustaining it.

You have to be willing to make a mess

Towards the end of our conversation, I asked Hew what advice he would give to another creative.

His answer came back to something that runs through his entire approach to making work: you have to be willing to fail.

Clowning, in particular, involves failure. You try something, it doesn't work, and you discover what happens next.

Hew reflected on the idea of the "shitty first draft", often associated with writer Anne Lamott, and the importance of getting ideas out before judging them.

His teacher had another memorable way of putting it: don't treat the first attempt as finished work. Get it out, even if it feels more like vomiting than writing.

Once the material exists, you can start looking for the interesting pieces.

A strange phrase.

An unexpected image.

A line that makes you curious.

Something that might initially seem ridiculous but contains the seed of something worthwhile.

The problem is that many of us become so worried about whether our ideas will be good that we never give them a chance to exist.

We wait until we know what we're doing.

We wait until we feel confident.

We wait until we can see the finished product.

But sometimes the only way forward is to begin before we're ready.

Final Thoughts

Talking with Hew reminded me that creativity is rarely a neat, predictable process.

Ideas change. Projects take unexpected turns. Collaborations challenge our original vision. Sometimes we lose confidence in the very work we once felt compelled to make.

And sometimes, the way through is simply to return to the page, the rehearsal room or the next small experiment.

We don't have to know exactly where an idea is going.

We don't have to make something brilliant on the first attempt.

We just have to give ourselves permission to begin.

Make the mess. Follow the strange idea. Look for the unexpected piece of pineapple in the pile of creative material—and see what you can make from it.

Because the thing that feels like a failure today might be the very thing that leads you to your next creative breakthrough.

A x

Listen to the full conversation with Hew on Through the Creative Door S1. E13, where we explore clowning, theatre-making, perfectionism, creative rituals, finding inspiration and why being willing to fail might be one of the most important skills a creative can develop.